As a single mom, you may feel the pressure to start dating again either so you can escape your single status or so as to provide a solid foundation for your kids. It may also be that you are just lonely and you want the company of a man.
However, I don’t think you should rush to date again or marry. I believe that the time as a single person is precious and should be used to get to know God more and know ourselves more.
As a single mom myself, I have struggled with my desires and with loneliness. Many times, I have wished that I had someone else who could help lessen the burden of being a single mom. But I realized that I needed to go through this season of singlehood. For so long, I had been in relationships looking for fulfillment but it took getting pregnant for me to finally realize the error in my ways.
Now that I am single, I am not rushing to get into another relationship; whether casual or serious. I am more focused on building my relationship with God, taking care of my kids, building my business, growing my YouTube channel, and sharing my experiences through this blog.
Furthermore, as a single Christian mom, I am more concerned about following God’s way now more than ever. Before you think about dating, as a Christian single mom, I think it’s important that you do the following first:
- 1 What Single Moms Should Do Before Dating Again
- 2 Conclusion
What Single Moms Should Do Before Dating Again
1. Put God First
If you are a Christian, then you know that the word commands us to put God first: “But seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you” Matthew 6:33. I know for me I didn’t always seek God, especially in my relationships. I was more eager to please myself than I was to please God and that resulted in a lot of heartbreak and unnecessary pain.
God is very clear in His word that we shouldn’t participate in immoral sexual acts. Immoral sexual acts involve acts that occur outside the covenant of marriage between a man and a woman. When we do this, the bible says that we are sinning against our own body.
To put God first is to reject all unrighteousness and to follow His word. To be Spirit led rather than led by the flesh. I thank God that he has delivered me from my sexual sins and immorality. If you are not delivered, repent of your sins and turn away from them.
If you plan on dating again as a Christian single mom, it’s important for you to allow God’s plan to take place rather than yours. So before you go looking for someone, look to God first. Seek Him diligently. Let Him show you how to love and allow yourself to be loved by Him first before seeking the love of a man.
I strongly believe that if we take the time to seek God, He will be found. And if it’s His will for marriage, then He will provide the right man who will guide you in the proper way and treat you the way you should be treated.
2. Heal From Your Past
Have you fully healed from your past? Have you forgiven the man who wronged you in the past? If you are still holding on to pain and bitterness from what happened to you in the past, then you aren’t ready to date again.
Jumping from relationship to relationship without fully healing only causes you more pain. So before you go into another relationship, heal.
3. Understand Your Value
As Christians, we get our value and worth from God. As a single woman, your worth comes from knowing what God says about you. God says that you are unique (Psalm 139:13). God says that you are forgiven (Psalm 103:12 ). God says that you are loved (Jeremiah 31:3). God says that you are strong (Psalm 68:35). God says that you are His own (Isaiah 43:1). God says that you are beautiful (Psalm 139:14).
Don’t try to get your value from this world. Get your value from God’s word and what He says about you. When you know your value, you won’t settle for men who don’t treat you right or don’t value you. You won’t give your body or your time to just anyone so you can feel good for a few moments.
4. Focus on Yourself and Your Kids
I don’t believe there is any reason to rush into dating. This is a good time for you to focus on yourself and your kids. Being a single mom can be lonely at times but instead of running to the arms of any man who won’t have any respect for you, take the time to focus on you and your kids.
Do fun activities with them. Learn how to be a great parent. If your ex is involved in their life, find ways to work together with him so you can create a good partnership for the sake of your kids.
5. Learn To Enjoy Being Single
I have come to a place where I enjoy my singlehood. Like honestly. I am loving being single! This is because I realized that I wasted so much time on men who weren’t good for me that now after going through the worst relationship, I love this peace I have as a single woman.
I’m not stressing about a man or what he is doing out there. I don’t have time to wonder if he is going to call or when I’m going to see him again. I’m focusing on my self-care, being the best mom, and taking care of my responsibilities.
6. Build Up Your Career
This is the perfect time for you to pursue your career or any business ventures. Instead of focusing on a man, look for new courses you can take that will help you improve your craft. Look for new ways to make money so you can be able to provide for your children.
7. Be Patient
It is always good to wait on God’s timing. Learn to be patient in your single season. Don’t rush into another relationship just because you are lonely. Wait patiently but while you wait, work on you.
8. Work On Your Finances
Take the time to fix your credit, get rid of debt, make more income, be financially stable. Don’t wait for a man to come and rescue your from your financial bondage.
This is the time to do what you can to fix your situation so that you won’t feel tempted to accept a man’s offer to date you just because he will help with the bills.
9. Be Clear About Your Standards
Listen, just because you are a single mom and you made mistakes before doesn’t mean that you can’t and shouldn’t expect to be with a good man.
Being a single mom isn’t a disability. It’s not a reason to lower your standards, nor is it a reason to settle for any man just because he is available or is willing to date you and the others won’t.
The right man, and I mean the RIGHT man, will respect you. He will value you and your children. He will not use you or abuse you. His love for you and your kids will be unfathomable because he is a man of value and integrity. However, you won’t attract this man by settling. You won’t attract this man by sleeping around with any man who shows interest in you. So increase your standards and don’t back down for anyone.
There are a lot of single moms who are quick to settle because they want a father figure for their child or they are afraid that if they continue to be single, their child may be at a disadvantage. These reasons are not enough for you to shack up with just anybody.
Don’t rush into dating. If you are lonely or feel like you need someone’s company, find a good support system you can rely on. Don’t rush into the arms of another man. Allow yourself to heal from the past, get closer to God, and work on yourself while you are single. At the right time, the right man will find you.
Are you a single mom who is ready to date? Let me know in the comments.
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