Pregnancy is such a wonderful time in a woman’s life. Those nine months when you get to experience your baby growing inside you can be so magical. It’s a time to celebrate life and rejoice as you anticipate welcoming your baby into this world. However, for some women, the realities of going through pregnancy alone can be very depressing.
When I found out I was pregnant, my ex decided he would be there to support me but because we weren’t really together, I couldn’t rely on him for everything. I did my best to keep him updated on the progress and I invited him to all the appointments, but he only made it to one. He was there for some emotional support but I went through the majority of it alone. Trying to navigate this new world as a first-time mom was difficult. There were so many instances I wished I had done things differently so I could have experienced pregnancy differently — with the right man beside me.
What made it even more challenging was that I was doing it single and pregnant with twins. Now I know there are women who choose to have kids by themselves by choice and are just fine going through pregnancy alone but in this post, I hope to share with you some of the realities of going through pregnancy alone. What it’s really like being single and pregnant.
Here Are The Realities of Going Through Pregnancy Alone:
It’s creating a registry and knowing you won’t be able to purchase all the items. Looking at the list of items you need to buy and wondering how you’ll afford them. Placing the items in your registry in hopes that someone else will buy them for you.
It’s hiding your pregnancy from your family and friends because you are afraid of what they’ll think. Avoiding interactions with other people so they don’t find out you’re pregnant and start gossiping about you. Worrying what your African parents and relatives will think when they know you became pregnant out of wedlock.
It’s feeling abandoned and rejected. Knowing that the fact that you chose life made your boyfriend desert you. He was very present in the making of the child but decided to abandon you at this time.
It’s going to the appointments alone. Celebrating your baby’s growth and milestones alone. Feeling the heartbeats and the kicks, and wishing there was someone else you could share that moment with. Seeing couples in the waiting room and wishing you had someone alongside you for emotional support and celebrations.
It’s dealing with the emotions alone. The ups and downs of pregnancy hormone changes. The anger, sadness, bitterness, and loneliness.
It’s not hosting a baby shower because you’ve isolated your friends. Sometimes being lucky enough to have a friend throw a party for you out of nowhere.
It’s not doing a maternity photoshoot because you don’t want to be reminded that you were alone. Taking private pictures in the bathroom that no one will ever see.
It’s hating your ex for making you a single mother but also appreciating him for making you a mother. Wishing that you had conceived those babies with the right man who would be by your side.
It’s attending the hospital tour alone among excited couples. Watching other dads’ excitement at the expectation of their baby while your baby’s dad is nowhere to be found.
It’s not attending birth classes because you don’t have a partner to go with. Knowing full well that you would be delivering your baby alone or with only your family beside you.
It’s avoiding the question, “where is the dad?” In most interactions and hospital visits. Not being able to fill out the medical form correctly because you don’t know all the details of the father’s medical history. It’s making up excuses when you go to appointments alone that the dad is busy at work so you don’t seem alone.
It’s feeling shame and guilt. Shame that you allowed yourself to get pregnant out of a stable relationship and guilt for the life your child may have. The family structure they may miss as a result of you being a single mom.
It’s feeling uncertain about your baby’s future. Wondering if your single motherhood will affect them negatively. If they’ll be accepted. If you’ll be able to provide them all that they’ll need.
It’s not having someone to rub your swollen feet when you are tired or help you shave your hairy legs. The small things that women in relationships or marriage enjoy.
It’s working more than you want to so you can afford all the expenses. Going to work when tired and I’ll just because you need to secure the maternity leave or save enough money for baby items.
It’s going into labor alone, experiencing contractions alone. Worried that no one else will be there to welcome your baby when they arrive.
It’s giving birth alone. Being rushed into the operating room to have your babies and not knowing if your family will make it. Avoiding the pity looks from nurses and doctors.
It’s trying to heal after delivery while caring for your babies. Trying not to seem alone to the nurses so you refuse help when you need it most.
This post is not to make you feel sorry for women who go through pregnancy alone but to make you realize how strong they are to go through this magical moment with little to no support. Despite all that I have mentioned, as your baby grows, you begin to form a connection with them and it doesn’t feel so alone anymore.
Are you going through your pregnancy alone? Share your experience in the comments!
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In the end it’s about you and your baby no one else. Your never alone in the pregnancy, that’s the beauty of it. Your baby is always with you. The bond that mother and baby share is unlike anything else in the world!
That is true Emily! The bond between you and baby is definitely reassuring while going through pregnancy single.
Wow you hit every single point on the head. I’m currently 6 months pregnant and going through it alone. My husband is from the Ivory coast, I’m Ethiopian and black US born. 3 months into my pregnancy my husband left me and admitted he married me for immigration only, leaving me to fend for myself and face family alone. We were newlyweds. It’s embarrassing and scary and he decided to leave the country so now I really don’t have support. I’m high risk too so I often worry about what’s going to happen. I try to be strong but it’s so hard. I’m constantly depressed and worried but grateful I’m going to have a beautiful little baby.
Wow, Zainah I am standing with you. I am sorry that this happened to you. I know its easier said than done but you got this! You are strong and brave, you are resilient and you are not alone. You have all that it takes to get through this! I am here for you if you need support or a shoulder to cry on. Please feel free to reach out to me whenever you need anyone by your side.
I think before you wrote this you should have healed first. Sometimes we know in our hearts we have a story that will resonate with alot of people but we taint its power by telling our story too early… Pregnant women who are doing this alone dont need a leader for a pity party but a road to healing provided with support and love. When you are healed the way u tell your story is sooo much different. you tell it with a sense of power behind it and a resilience that all women posses. Instead of bitterness that grows the more we feel sorry for ourself..
Thank you for reading
I appreciate your input however, sometimes we heal from sharing. This post was not submitted out of bitterness but out of the truth of my situation and I know there are a lot of women who can relate to this. There is no pity party here, my friend, if you have never had to go through this then you wouldn’t know what the experience is like. I wrote this to give a perspective to the experience and also to help other single moms know that they aren’t alone.
This struck every chord in my body I’m only 9 weeks and already feel all of this, I met who I thought was an amazing man who just refuses to accept that this baby is his for no other reason than pure denial. The pregnancy was just as unplanned for me as it was for him but I also know the adult choices we made l. I’m 33 and can’t believe I allowed myself to be put in this situation . I feel shame guilt and anger I never thought I’d be here like this. I hope he comes around at some point but I know better than to hold my breath. Reading this it’s nice to know that what I feel is normal and that I’m not crazy . Thank you for sharing your story
Wonderfully wrote post. This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing and I hope you and your twins are doing amazing! This post resonated with me and even has made me attach a stigma to what I thought would be a beautiful moment in life. In which it was but definitely not in the aspect of what I thought it would be. Sometimes we don’t experience things the way we “intend” for them to go but we have to create our own happiness in the process ☺️. We will grow from this and be great mothers nevertheless! 💕