I never planned on being a single mom. When I was writing down my five and ten-year goals and plans, there was no provision for single-motherhood. No account for this detour that would change my life forever. I always pictured myself running a big company in a tailored suit and driving home to my luxurious house in my black Mercedes Benz. I never pictured myself being a black single mother raising two boys.
But here we are.
When I first found out I was pregnant, I was shocked. I never imagined myself as a mom. I couldn’t believe the lines on the stick so I took a picture of it and sent it to him. He called me excited and nervous. We couldn’t believe it.
A few days later he wanted an abortion. “We need to end it,” he said. End it? But we don’t even know what it is.
This infuriated me. I don’t believe in abortions. I am pro-life not because of a political stance but because I love life. Because I believe everyone deserves a chance at life.
So in response, I banged his door closed and left into the unknown. I was devastated when we parted. I felt incredibly alone and scared. Scared for the future. Scared of the repercussions I would have to face alone.
At that moment when I felt alone and abandoned; left to tend to what we both made and brought into this world, I decided to tell my mom.
My mom was a virgin when she married my dad. They used to sit us down and tell us how much we should value our bodies and how they waited. I would admire their patience and go on to text my crush.
A few weeks later he wrote to me telling me that he would be involved in our kid’s lives. This made me happy and made me feel as though I wouldn’t go through this alone. However, his statements were short-lived. I went through the pregnancy alone, visiting appointments by myself amidst happy couples anticipating their baby’s arrival. I shopped and prepared for their arrival alone. And have been raising them alone.
I’m A Black Single Mother
I cannot help my race. In His wisdom, God chose to make me a black woman and I’m not mad at that! I love my melanin.
But I guess I could have done something to avoid being a single mother. I could have waited till marriage to be intimate, I could have used protection, I could have had an abortion. Coulda, woulda, shoulda. I didn’t. I chose to keep my pregnancy. I chose to bring my kids into this world whether or not he would be there to support me in raising them.
And in my choice, I became a single mom.
I hated the term single mother. I still do. When I was pregnant, I would fight the idea that I would become a single mother. That is why I worked so hard to involve him in everything, even though we weren’t together, I felt as though I wasn’t alone when I was inviting him to the appointments which he declined or asking his opinion on the pediatrician choices.
One day, I was in the car with my sister and she asked me, “so you’re going to be a single mother huh?” and I vehemently declined. No! I’m not. I’m going to be a mother who is single.
For me, there was a difference between the two. I didn’t want the negative connotations that came with being a single mother. A black single mother at that.
I Am Not A Statistic
According to Kids Count, African Americans lead other races in the number of children raised in a single-parent home by 65%. Other sources state that “almost 70 percent of black children are born to single mothers”. These statistics add on to the fact that a majority of those black women are in poverty and are more likely to pass on that poverty to their children.
It is not hard to imagine this not being true. Look around welfare buildings and the majority of individuals are African American.
I am not going to lie to you, I have been among those who ran to the arms of the government for assistance with raising their children. For assistance holding an absent father accountable. At those moments when I found myself sitting in that welfare building surrounded by other black women seeking assistance, I felt like a statistic.
This is not the life I wanted for myself or my children. They are not subject to a life of poverty because I chose to keep them and not have an abortion. They are not subject to a life of me working three jobs just to make ends meet. Missing games and neglecting their requests for assistance with homework because I’m tired and have to work that night. They deserve a better life. And I am willing to give them a better life, no matter the cost to me.
Truth be told, statistics are apart of life and we are all subject to a statistic for various factors. However, I refuse to be apart of negative statistics that claim that “we might expect the effects to be more negative for black than for white children, particularly for black boys, because single black mothers are younger, less educated, and poorer than single white mothers.”
I became pregnant at 26, I have a college degree in business administration and management, I have a Real Estate license, and most important I am determined to raise strong black men who will stand the test of time. I am dedicated to living an abundantly rich life.
Life is what we make it. We are all dealt with varying challenges to contend with. Some might seem bigger than others. However, we are all capable of overcoming whatever challenge we face. I don’t see my kids as a mistake. I don’t see my current status as a single mom as limiting. It isn’t what I wanted to happen at this stage in my life but I will still make the best of things despite it.
I still imagine myself running a large company in a tailored suit driving home to my luxurious house in my black Mercedes Benz. Only this time I don’t imagine myself alone. I imagine my kids with me.
Let’s continue this friendship we’ve started…
I am creating a community of single parents who are dedicated to winning despite the situation they are in and would love for you to join in!
Subscribe on YouTube • Like on Facebook • Follow on Instagram • Pin on Pinterest
☞ Did you find this post useful in some way? PIN it to your Pinterest Board 📌