If there is one question I get asked the most, it’s “how do you do it all as a single mom? How do you survive as a single mom to twins?” How do you work and care for your kids?” Okay, that’s more than one question…
My YouTube channel is inundated by comments from women praising me for my strength and determination. Cheering me on as I share my day to day experiences raising two boys alone.
Sometimes, I look at those comments and it makes me want to cry because the truth of the matter is that I don’t do it all. You can’t do it all. It’s impossible to do it all, alone. Believe me, I’ve tried.
I have tried to carry everything on my shoulders only to have it bring me down because the burden was too heavy.
I have tried to hold in the stress and put up a smile when my head was exploding with worry and fear. Fear for my children. Worry about the bills. Fear for our future.
I have refused help because I wanted to be the one to do it. I didn’t want to seem weak because I allowed someone to help me so I strained away, consuming all my energy on tasks I could have delegated.
I have worked 60hr weeks while caring for my children without daycare, thinking that I was making strides, only to realize that I was deteriorating.
I have praised myself on being with my children 24/7 thinking that it made me an exceptional mom, only to realize that they were draining me.
I have put my kids first, tending to their needs, cries, demands while neglecting myself only to burnout.
So I had to give up the idea that I can do it all. That I can be everything to my children and still have a life of my own.
That is not how it was meant to be.
The truth is that as a single mom, there is this pressure to overcompensate for what we think our kids are missing. We fear that the absense of another parent means that they are at a disadvantage so we do everything we can to be all that they need.
Without help, without complaining, without resting, without self care.
Because we fear that if we did rest, if we did complain, if we did ask for help, we may be criticized for not being a good mom.
But that is far from the truth. So I want to encourage you to STOP trying to do it all.
Stop worrying about what others will think. Stop fearing for the future. Stop comparing yourself to other moms. Stop looking for perfection.
You are good the way you are.
It’s okay that somedays, the house will remain dirty so you can tend to your kids.
It’s okay to drop the kids off at the daycare or with your family so you can have some well deserved, kid-free ‘me’ time.
It’s okay to accept help from any source. It’s not okay to feel embarrassed because you are doing your best to care for your children and make sure they have what they need.
It’s okay to dedicate time to yourself and your well being.
It’s okay to splurge on yourself. To spoil yourself.
It’s okay to cry somedays when everything is overwhelming and you don’t have anyone to talk to.
It’s okay to do what you love. What makes you happy. Because your kids deserve a happy mom.
Your kids will be fine. Your kids will (and already do) have all that they need. You don’t have to worry about them. Trust that God will provide for your needs. Trust that he knew what he was doing when he gave you those children.
Trust and stop trying to do it all.
Let’s continue this friendship we’ve started…
I am creating a community of single parents who are dedicated to winning despite the situation they are in and would love for you to join in!
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