I turned 27 on Dec 24th and I cannot help but reflect on the last 26 years of my life and the lessons I have learned. Life has taken a turn I had never anticipated or planned for but does it ever go as planned?
I moved to America at 14 years old and I never thought I would be sitting here at 27 with two kids doing YouTube, and blogging! Throughout the years I have struggled with several topics; some of which I have had to learn multiple times. I want the next few years to be the best of my life and to live to incorporate these lessons learned.
Lessons I have learned in the past 26 years.
1. Just do it God’s way
I have learned the hard way to do things Gods way. I have done them my way and it has led to disappointment, sadness, and too much pain that I could have avoided. Now I am more prone to follow God’s direction and even though I don’t do it all the time, I am learning to make that a priority.
2. Never Settle for a man
I have been in many relationships where I settled for a man that wasn’t helping me progress or even helping me be the best version of myself. Now I know not to settle for relationships that arent adding value to my life. I am a big advocate of having high standards because it is better to be single than to be in a relationship you settled in out of fear of loneliness.
3. Stick to your beliefs no matter what anyone else is doing
This is a world of opinions and beliefs. Everyone has something they want you to agree with. You have to be strong in your beliefs and hold on to your values.
4. Whatever you sow, you will reap
Be careful what you spend your time on, what you think on, what you watch, what you listen to because these things affect you and they will bear fruits in your life. Make sure you are exposed to things that will bear the right fruit in your life. Also, what you put the effort into will grow and what you don’t put the effort in will die.
5. You are stronger than you think
Motherhood has truly shown me my strength. From surviving the first months with little sleep to working two jobs, doing YouTube, blogging, and taking care of my kids, I know I am strong enough to handle what life throws at me!
The same is true for you. Look back in your life and recall all that you have survived and you’ll realize that you are stronger than you think! You have what it takes to overcome anything life throws at you! It may be hard, painful or seem impossible but you can do it!
6. Failure is not the end & Success is not possible without failure
I have always feared failure because I was ashamed of it. Now I am learning to embrace it understanding that without failure, there is no success. Failing allows you to learn what doesn’t work so you can be more successful. Most successful people failed multiple times before they were successful.
7. Your worst fear is not the worst thing that could happen (unless it’s being eaten by a wild animal)
I have overcome so many situations I was afraid of and now I understand that there is nothing to fear. There are some situations that may be devastating, embarrassing, or hard to go through but do not live life in fear. Address life with a brave heart that is ready to take on what life has!
8. People’s opinions of you don’t pay your bills
People will have opinions about you; the way you look, talk, dress, act…the list is endless. If you spend your time worrying about what others think, you will not accomplish anything. I have been a people pleaser and I admit there are instances I catch myself trying to please others and I have to stop and remember that what they think of me does not matter. What matters is what God thinks of me and what I think of myself. And to be frank with you, I think I’m pretty dope!
I think you’ll find my YouTube channel pretty dope too! Check it out and consider subscribing!
9. Life is not a competition
I am very competitive and I like to be the best at what I do so it’s no surprise that I have compared myself to my peers and scored my life based on where they are in life compared to me.
However, life is not a competition.
Everyone is living their own life at a different pace experiencing different situations than you. If you spend your time comparing yourself to others and feeling bad because they are accomplishing more than you or at a different place than you then you’ll end up depressed.
I took long to finish college, didn’t graduate with all A’s like I wanted, I am not working a “regular job” like my peers, and I have kids while other are out pursuing their goals. My life isn’t like others in my peer group. But it is exactly the way it was meant to be.
We each have different paths to take so don’t try to compete with others who are taking a different path than you. You’ll just end up lost. Focus on your own lane and run your own race.
10. Comparison is the enemy of joy
This coincides with #9. We are all different, we look, talk, and act differently so don’t compare yourself to others. Social media makes this so hard not to do. Scrolling down the explore page you see women with better bodies than you and who have photoshopped their faces to perfection and you think you are supposed to look like that as well.
Well, that’s not true.
First of all, it’s mostly fake and secondly, be uniquely you! Comparing yourself with others will make you depressed and push you to change what God has already called GOOD. If there is a way for you to improve yourself, do it but don’t compare yourself to others and try to look like them.
It’s not worth it.
11. Some have, some lack, that’s the way of life
Life is so interesting. There are people who seem to have it all: money, looks, cars, houses, success… and others that are barely surviving. I don’t understand how and why it is like this but that is how things are.
Don’t waste your time wishing you had what someone else has because you don’t know all that comes with that life. Learn to be content in your situation; whatever it be.
12. Don’t envy someone else’s life, you don’t know what they did to get where they are
Following #11, you don’t know what that person did to get that nice house or nice car… You don’t know what she did to get that hourglass figure or perky breasts… so stop wishing you were them. Stop wishing you had what they have.
There are many who look happy or successful but are in debt or depressed; on the other hand, there are those who do not have much but are happy and content because they find value in more than possessions.
13. There is no such thing as an overnight success
Success takes sacrifice. It takes long nights and early morning, lonely days working on your idea while others are out enjoying themselves. Success may look glamorous from the surface but it is held up by resilience, discipline, and hard work.
There is no overnight success. People don’t wake up Rich unless they’re born into wealth or win the lottery.
You have to work for what you want. I admit that I have envied those who are successful, wishing that I had the life I see them living now while neglecting the work that led to the image I now see.
You do one disservice if you desire what they have without also desiring the blood, sweat, and tears that went in the making of that life.
14. Your struggle is someones else’s prayer
Right now there is someone who looks at your life and envies it while you wish you had someone else’s life. Right now there is someone who prays for your struggle because it would remove them from theirs.
Appreciate what you have. Be grateful for your current state and remember that you once “prayed for what you have now” and that someone else is praying for what you have.
The last few lessons have been about comparing yourself to others because that’s one of the biggest lessons in life. We go into debt because we want things that others have, we change our bodies to look a certain way, and spend years gathering accomplishments so we can show off to others but you can live a happier life if you don’t do these things.
15. The grass is greener on the other side because they water it… mind your own lawn
That persons body you envy took discipline and hard work (unless they went under the knife). That great relationship took work and diligence… that lawn had to be mowed to look that green and kept.
Stop worrying about their green lawn, better lives, and relationships and start working on yours. Basically, mind your own business.
16. Forgiveness is better than revenge
This one has been huge for me; especially after beginning this motherhood journey. It’s so easy to want revenge when someone wrongs you but I tell you, it’s better to forgive.
Although it doesn’t change the situation or mend the harm done, forgiveness frees you from the bitterness and that is the best thing you can get.
Instead of seeing revenge, seek to forgive more. Let it go. No matter how much pain or loss you would have experienced, it is better to let it go. Do it even when the other person doesn’t acknowledge that they’ve wronged you. Do it for you.
Check out my 2019 Year In Review to see how my first year as a single twin mom went.
17. Change is good – Embrace it
You’ve heard the saying that there is one constant in life, change.
18. Love Your body & treat it right
You only get one body, might as well treat it right. Junk food takes so good, but it isn’t the best for your health and well-being. Exercise is hard but it is what your body needs.
19. It’s ok to ask for help
I have always been the one to do everything myself so I can brag that I did it all. Motherhood has taught me to ask for and accept help!
You can’t do it alone. You need help. And asking for it doesn’t make you weak or needy. It makes you stronger because when you have help, you can do even more.
20. You can’t control Everything
We make plans but God controls the outcome so make those plans knowing that God may change them.
21. Embrace discomfort
Staying in your comfort zone will not get you the results you want. If you want to achieve great things, you will have to step outside of what you know or what makes you comfortable.
Get out there and meet new people, do something that scares you. Try that new thing, speak to that stranger, pitch your idea, make an attempt! Do something! Just don’t stay in your comfort zone!
22. You can achieve your greatest dreams
Success is possible. Wealth is attainable. Health is within your reach. If you want something, you have to go get it. And you have to go after it with vigor because that’s the only way you’ll attain it.
I have always looked at the successful and wished I had what they have, felt bad because I wasn’t achieving my own goals. Only to realize that I wasn’t accomplishing much because I wasn’t leaving it all out on the field.
I challenge you to set those high, scary goals. I challenge you to go after what you want with full force. No excuses, no compromise, no mediocrity! Pursue till attainment!
23. Sometimes you have to go through the fire
There are some situations or experiences in life we wish we could avoid or not go through but I believe that they happen for a reason and you have to go through it. Diamonds are made under pressure, the strongest steel is forged by the hottest fire. To be the best you, you have to go through fire.
24. Don’t be afraid to quit
Don’t spend years stuck in a job you hate just because you are afraid of quitting. There are some things that you should forge in and continue to persevere in because they are beneficial to you but if you are in a situation that doesn’t help you move forward or isn’t what you want, quit and pursue something better.
25. When Angry, Think Before You Speak
This is a big one for me because I am the kind of person who will tell you how I feel without holding back. I don’t like to hide my feeling if I am not pleased with someone hence, there have been situations where I have spoken out of anger and later regretted it. So when emotions are heightened, learn to hold your tongue.
Consider the impact of your words. Will they add fire to the situation and make things worse or will they work to resolve the situation?
People will upset you. That is inevitable. How you choose to react and the way you speak will impact them and you so choose carefully. Remember that words have power.
26. Life is Made of Reactions
Your life is made of your reactions to situations, experiences, words, and other people’s actions. Life is also affected by your perception of the events that take place. You don’t choose what others do or sometimes what happens to you but you choose how you react to those situations so choose wisely and react properly.
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And the lessons continue. Life has a way of teaching you, if you are wise, you will learn the lesson the first time. Otherwise, you will have to retake that class until you pass it. Most of the lessons I listed were learned multiple times because I didn’t take heed the first time. My goal is to continue my life with these lessons in mind.
Those are my lessons learned in 26 years. I would love to know what you’ve learned during your lifetime, let me know in the comments!
Let’s continue this friendship we’ve started…
I am creating a community of single parents who are dedicated to winning despite the situation they are in and would love for you to join in!
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